Trials and tribulations. The rise and fall. We go through hard times, and then through easier times. Things are constantly changing. That’s life. In fact, change is the only constant we can really depend on. (And it can be a bitch for someone that sometimes struggles with the process.) I surely have some dark things to work through, but today is about some of my more recent challenges. Someone once told me that I’m a hard person to read. I don’t open up that easily to people I don’t know well- it takes me awhile. It’s been a goal of mine to be a more open and honest individual this past year, and I’ve felt like I hit a roadblock recently. I’ve been letting a lot of things get to me. I put a lot of pressure on myself to be this perfect version of me that doesn’t exist. I’ve been carrying this negativity everywhere with me, and it has slowly been wearing me down. The stress levels at work have gone up, and I started having stomach pains and problems sleeping. I became very frustrated with myself. I’d start crying any time I was alone from the frustration of not feeling like myself. By the time I’d leave work I was already spent. Worn out. Then I’d go to the gym and release some of my frustrations, but I felt like my work outs were slacking because I was so tired already. Then the frustration cycle would start all over again. I finally caved at work one morning and decided I needed to go to the doctor. I was thinking I had some kind of imbalance or hormonal issue going on. I rarely go to the doctor’s office unless it’s something that I feel needs attention. My blood pressure was higher than it’s been, and that’s when I knew that this was a bigger deal than I had been making it. Long story short- I’ve been dealing with some mild depression and my stress was starting to affect my health. It took a few days and I finally told my Mom about what was going on, which went well. We made a plan for both of us to start working on the things we need to work on. We are the same in the fact that we don’t like to keep our hardships on the surface for everyone to see, but rather bury them deep for no one to know about. That’s not healthy. The baggage is heavy and it’s time to lighten the load! I think we find our inner strength and courage when we bring our troubles to the surface and fight. When we face our fears. Fight for yourself, and know that you are worth it. Know that you are enough. It’s hard giving yourself credit sometimes too, especially when you’ve been so hard on yourself. Loving yourself can be both the hardest and easiest thing you will ever do. But man, is it worth it! It’s also one of the best parts of this crazy beautiful thing we get to call life. So, here’s to loving me. Here’s to the good fight. Me against me, and I’m one determined son of a gun.
HOLD UP. UPDATE. I forgot to mention one of the best parts! I had my one year gym-a-versary recently! One year of working out at one of my favorite places! ❤️Me some Grit Gym. Go check them out on Facebook and Instagram! Lots of good stuff on there!